Defiance and behavior treatment for kids, teens, and young adults
When every request turns into a battle, home, school, and family life all feel harder. Our licensed clinicians help kids, teens, and young adults manage frustration and build stronger relationships, and give you calm, proven tools for home.
Clinically reviewed by Amy Kranzler, PhD
- Licensed, specialized therapistsTrained in evidence-based care for kids, teens, and young adults
- Fully virtualVisits that fit around your schedule
- Evidence-based skillsStrategies for the moments that matter
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When does pushback become a problem?
Everyone pushes back sometimes. For kids and teens, testing limits is how they learn independence. Behavioral difficulties become a concern when arguing, anger, and refusal happen most days, last for months, and strain home, school, work, or friendships.
Defiant behavior often reflects another underlying difficulty, such as ADHD, anxiety, or challenges with emotional regulation. A careful evaluation helps identify what is driving the behavior, so treatment can address the root cause.
Behavioral challenges respond well to evidence-based treatment, and outcomes are strongest when families are actively involved in care.
Everyday pushback or a behavior problem?
Everyday pushback
- Happens now and then, often when tired, hungry, or stressed
- Settles down fairly quickly
- Similar to others the same age
- Doesn’t damage relationships
A behavior problem
- Arguing, anger, or vindictiveness most days for six months or more
- Clearly more than others the same age
- Shows up with parents, teachers, bosses, or other people in charge
- Strains family life, school or work, or friendships
Signs to watch for
Every family has hard days. These signs are concerning when they happen most days, last six months or more, and are more intense than others the same age.
Angry or irritable mood
- Loses their temper often
- Easily annoyed or touchy
- Angry or resentful much of the time
- Big reactions to small frustrations
Arguing and defiance
- Argues with parents, teachers, bosses, or other people in charge
- Refuses requests or rules
- Annoys others on purpose
- Blames others for their own mistakes
Hurtful behavior
- Spiteful or out for revenge
- Says mean things to hurt someone
- Hits or breaks things when upset
- Struggles to make up after a conflict
How it can show up at different ages
Kids
Defiance is often most visible at home, around transitions and limits.
- Meltdowns when screen time ends
- Refusing to get dressed or leave the house
- Notes from school about not following directions
Teens
In teens, it often shows up as arguing, breaking rules, and pulling away from family.
- Ignoring curfew or house rules
- Constant arguments about what’s fair
- Trouble with teachers or school discipline
Young adults
In young adults, it can show up as irritability and conflict with people in charge.
- Frequent clashes with bosses or professors
- Quick anger in relationships
- Trouble following through on commitments
Is it defiance, or something else?
Defiant behaviors often reflect other underlying challenges, such as ADHD, anxiety, depression, or learning struggles. You don’t need to have it figured out. Our clinicians look at what’s driving the behavior.
How we treat behavior challenges
When behavioral challenges are the focus, an important part of the work happens with parents. For teens, parent sessions are combined with individual skills work.
Parent Coaching
Research shows the most effective treatment for defiant behavior focuses on teaching parents new strategies. This doesn’t mean parenting is the cause of behavioral challenges. But because parents are with their children throughout the week, they are best positioned to put change into practice.
- Effective strategies for increasing connection and desired behaviors
- Clear, calm instructions and consistent consequences
- Approaches that reduce defiant behavior and create lasting change
Skills training for you or your child
Emotion regulation skills help kids, teens, and young adults notice and pay attention to their emotions, solve problems more effectively, and handle conflict calmly.
- Recognize emotions earlier, before they escalate
- Learn effective strategies for managing intense moments
- Reduce conflict and arguments at home, school, and work
What about medication?
Therapy and parent coaching are the first-line approach for behavioral challenges. When other conditions, such as ADHD, anxiety, or depression, are contributing, an evaluation for medication may be recommended.
For young adults 18 and older, care is one-on-one with their therapist and does not include parent involvement.
What parents are saying
“Lindsay LITERALLY changed not just my daughter's life, but our entire family dynamic. We thought we were going to have to consider homeschool, as she was experiencing debilitating separation anxiety. We assumed she would end up on medication - not only did she not need medication, she has not missed a single day of school this year.”
“Megan was so valuable to our family during a trying time in our lives. My son needed someone to understand him and show him how to ask for help when he needs it. He has gone from failing multiple classes to being an honor student. He’s been so helpful around the house and is all around a happy child. We’re so grateful that we made the choice to go with Handspring.”
“There has been a marked change in my daughter's ability to cope with anxiety and stressors and using the coping skills she learned she has been able to get through situations that she couldn't before. Her self confidence has also increased. Many thanks to Shanna - my daughter was sad to not see her each week any more, but the reason for that was a great one.”
“I have seen a huge improvement in the way my daughter communicates, manages her emotions, and behaves since she started her weekly sessions. I am so grateful to see such a positive impact with her and within a short period of time. Tried other solutions and none worked. Thankful for Handspring services helping our family."
“Lindsay LITERALLY changed not just my daughter's life, but our entire family dynamic. We thought we were going to have to consider homeschool, as she was experiencing debilitating separation anxiety. We assumed she would end up on medication - not only did she not need medication, she has not missed a single day of school this year.”
“Every aspect has been great so far. The onboarding process was quick and easy - everyone was so professional, responsive, and compassionate. Our child was quickly matched with a therapist with a suitable personality, style, and approach. Additionally, the parents’ needs are being addressed as well - the option to have that support is invaluable!”
“We were so happy with the care our son received. There has been such a change in him over the past year and we are so grateful! Morgan was able to connect with him so well and teach him so many skills that he now uses every day. Thank you all so much for everything you have done!”
“My daughter had such a positive experience with Handspring. Christine was amazing with her and my daughter felt very comfortable talking to her. My daughter’s self confidence and attitude have improved drastically since starting Handspring. Thank you so much!”
“Megan was so valuable to our family during a trying time in our lives. My son needed someone to understand him and show him how to ask for help when he needs it. He has gone from failing multiple classes to being an honor student. He’s been so helpful around the house and is all around a happy child. We’re so grateful that we made the choice to go with Handspring.”
“Natasha was extremely patient and kind, but also very clear and honest with my daughter when speaking to her. She also handled dealing with myself and my ex extremely professionally and was always available to help when I had any concerns outside of my daughter’s appointment.”
“Michael built a great relationship with my son early on in the sessions, therefore my son felt extremely comfortable speaking to him and opening up about his feelings. Michael was kind, fun and gave excellent coping techniques. My son is much more open and vocal with his feelings and uses Michael’s techniques when he’s upset or getting frustrated.”
“There has been a marked change in my daughter's ability to cope with anxiety and stressors and using the coping skills she learned she has been able to get through situations that she couldn't before. Her self confidence has also increased. Many thanks to Shanna - my daughter was sad to not see her each week any more, but the reason for that was a great one.”
Get started with therapy fast
Your first consultation is free, then insurance covers the sessions after that with a nominal copay.
Start with a free consultation
Meet with our clinical services team to discuss what brings you here and get matched to one of our licensed therapists. No waitlist, available within 48 hours.
Meet your therapist for an assessment
Meet with your therapist so they can form an accurate diagnostic assessment and develop an effective treatment plan.
Begin treatment within a week
With remote sessions, flexible scheduling, and length of treatment tailored to your needs, this is high-quality care that’s made to fit your life.
Questions parents ask
Don’t see your question? Talk to our care team.
Is this normal pushback or something more?
Pushing back is a normal part of growing up. It may be time to get help when arguing, anger, or refusal happens most days, lasts six months or more, and strains family life, school or work, or friendships.
What is oppositional defiant disorder (ODD)?
ODD is a diagnosis for a lasting pattern of angry or irritable mood, arguing and defiance, or spiteful behavior. It continues for at least six months and causes real problems at home, school, or work.
Is my child’s behavior my fault?
No. Behavioral challenges develop through a combination of factors, including temperament and co-occurring conditions such as ADHD or anxiety. Because parents spend the most time with their children, they are well positioned to help shift these patterns, which is why parent coaching is a central part of treatment.
Will my child be part of treatment, or just me?
Both, depending on age. With younger kids, much of the work happens with parents, and kids can also benefit from learning emotion regulation skills with their therapist. Older kids and teens also work directly with their therapist.
Is medication needed?
Not usually. Therapy and parent coaching are the first-line approach for behavioral challenges. When other conditions, such as ADHD, anxiety, or depression, are also contributing, your clinician may recommend an evaluation for medication as part of a broader treatment plan.
Ready to talk it through?
A free consult with our care team is the first step. We’ll listen to what’s going on and help you decide what comes next.
Sources
- Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Data and statistics on children’s mental health. Updated August 20, 2026.
- Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2026, July 8). Data on ADHD in children. https://www.cdc.gov/adhd/data/
- Steiner H, Remsing L; AACAP Work Group on Quality Issues. Practice parameter for the assessment and treatment of children and adolescents with oppositional defiant disorder. Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, 2007.
- American Psychiatric Association. Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition, Text Revision (DSM-5-TR), 2022.